Reflections
As the last few days of 2017 wind down, I find myself reflecting on what was a very challenging year on so many levels. As I talk to friends and read posts from both friends and strangers alike, I realise that 2017 seems to have been a very difficult year for a lot of people on a multitude of levels.
Jobs lost, relationships ended, battles with illness fought and sometimes lost, a difficult year financially for so many, feelings of helplessness and lost hope.
I too have faced some of that!
Some of my own doing, poor decisions and irrational choices, some that seemed out of my control as though forces around me were conspiring to challenge me. There were times I too felt helpless but I never gave up hope. Surrounded by some amazing people who have supported me on so many levels, I find myself entering 2018 not comfortably but positive.
2017 was not without its blessing either, wonderful people, and wonderful experiences and of course my wonderful daughter who keeps me so grounded and in fits of laughter. This has been a year of change for her too and as a father watching her grow up is a blessing and a challenge.
I look at her and I don’t see a little girl anymore (even if she will always be my little girl) I see a young lady blossoming and finding her place and with it her need for space. I realise that some of that space is without me; it’s with her friends and with herself, not easy for a father to come to terms with.
I love what I see, I hate what I feel and this is a conflict of emotions but she knows I am here and will always be. I still value every moment we share, every lesson she teaches me and that she is in so many ways a reflection of me.
Early in December I found myself bemoaning my lot in life to a friend of mine, who listened intently and then said “I have heard YOUR story and YOU need to change it!”
First thought “gee thanks for the fucking empathy and support!” but then it hit, I too am tired of my story and I had better change it.
No, I don’t have a plan, in fact I barely have an idea but I do know this is up to me and me alone (not that a huge lotto win wouldn’t help). I also know that I will always need the love, help and support of those around me and their advice is always welcome.
So bring on 2018 and all it has to offer, challenges included, I am ready to make tough choices, to make the sacrifices I need and to do the work.
2018 is the year I am changing MY story!
I think I found the perfect song to end the year on, sung by Pat Guagagno, words by Warren Zevon. It was featured in Californication
“Don’t Let Us Get Sick”
Don’t let us get sick
don’t let us get old
don’t let us get stupid, all right?
Just make us be brave
and make us play nice
and let us be together tonight
The sky was on fire
when I walked to the mill
to take up the slack in the line
I thought of my friends
and the troubles they’ve had
to keep me from thinking of mine
Don’t let us get sick
don’t let us get old
don’t let us get stupid, all right?
Just make us be brave
and make us play nice
and let us be together tonight
The moon has a face
and it smiles on the lake
and causes the ripples in Time
I’m lucky to be here
with someone I like
who maketh my spirit to shine
Don’t let us get sick
don’t let us get old
don’t let us get stupid, all right?
Just make us be brave
and make us play nice
and let us be together tonight
I wish you all a wonderful new year, I wish you the kind of hope and happiness you wish yourself.
Awesome Post
Wenchy and I had our trials and tribulations in 2017 also.
Here’s to having faith 2018 will be a great year
Strength to both of you!
Mike – if you haven’t yet discovered TUT and Mike Dooley: do. It’s all about re-writing and re-framing one’s story. And yours – from the outside – is a story to be celebrated, despite the challenges. Most of all, I wish you quiet time for yourself, for rejuvenation and regeneration. Don’t ever neglect yourself in giving to others; which you so constantly and generously do.
Lastly – Come and braai.
Thank you KP, I will certainly take a look at that. Filling up the car and on the way ASAP.
So good about telling your story a different way. I remember going through a patch in my life when I was very negative about my job and changing my story about that helped(and of course changing jobs later..) All the best for 2018 and I hope it is a better year.